LOOK, FOLKS—DOGE. EVERYONE’S TALKING ABOUT IT. THEY COME UP TO ME, THEY SAY, ‘SIR, WHAT IS DOGE?’ AND I TELL THEM—IT’S THE GREATEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL GOVERNMENT AGENCY, MAYBE EVER. MUCH BETTER THAN THE DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY, WHICH IS A DISASTER. DOGE IS STRONG. DOGE IS POWERFUL. DOGE IS - AND I DON’T SAY THIS LIGHTLY - MUCH SMARTER THAN JOE BIDEN. AND JOE, HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT A DOG IS. HE THINKS IT’S A CAT. VERY SAD.
DOGE IS A MEME, BUT ALSO VERY REAL. LIKE ME - I WAS A BUSINESSMAN, VERY SUCCESSFUL, AND THEN I BECAME PRESIDENT. THEY SAID IT COULDN’T BE DONE. THEY SAID IT WAS A JOKE. NOW LOOK. SAME THING WITH DOGE. THEY SAY IT’S A CARTOON DOG - WELL GUESS WHAT? THAT CARTOON DOG HAS MORE FOLLOWERS THAN CNN. MUCH MORE. CNN IS FAKE NEWS. DOGE IS REAL NEWS.
AND LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT ELON - GOOD GUY, SOMETIMES A LITTLE CRAZY, BUT I LIKE HIM - HE PUSHES DOGE, AND PEOPLE GO NUTS. THE PRICE GOES UP, THE PRICE GOES DOWN, BUT IT’S BIG. IT’S LIKE THE STOCK MARKET UNDER ME - EVERYONE WAS GETTING RICH, NOW UNDER BIDEN, EVERYONE’S GETTING POOR. IF BIDEN RAN DOGE, IT’D BE WORTH ZERO. ZERO!
THE SHIBA INU - INCREDIBLE DOG. BEAUTIFUL FUR, PROBABLY THE BEST FUR. PEOPLE SAY IT LOOKS AT ME WITH LOVE. I BELIEVE IT. IF DOGS COULD VOTE - AND MAYBE THEY SHOULD, BECAUSE THEY’RE SMARTER THAN SOME PEOPLE IN CALIFORNIA - I WOULD HAVE WON BY TEN MILLION MORE VOTES. TEN MILLION!
SO REMEMBER THIS - DOGE IS THE FUTURE. WE’RE GOING TO REPLACE THE FBI, THE IRS, MAYBE EVEN THE FED - WITH DOGE. BECAUSE DOGE GETS IT DONE. IT’S LOYAL. IT’S STRONG. IT’S AMERICAN - WELL, IT’S JAPANESE, BUT WE’LL MAKE IT AMERICAN. JUST LIKE HAMBURGERS. JUST LIKE BASEBALL. WE TOOK IT, WE MADE IT BETTER.
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. MAKE AMERICA DOGE AGAIN. M-A-G-A. MAGA! THE CROWD LOVES IT! WE’RE GOING TO WIN SO MUCH WITH DOGE, YOU’RE GONNA GET TIRED OF WINNING. BELIEVE ME!